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| Mother of God, “Softener of Evil Hearts” Icon |
In 2009, because of various circumstances, I sadly became an atheist. Like Adam and Eve of old, I decided I wanted to be my own god and lean on my “own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) instead of trusting in Christ. Thus, I attempted to find solace through “science” and sin. I came to quickly realize the meaninglessness of life without God. I had returned to the very dissatisfied and meaningless lifestyle I had lived in my youth. I was like the dog who “returneth to his vomit” (Proverbs 26:11).
I also came to the brutal reality of the ugliness that atheism and the world offers. Atheism gave us the Soviet Union and the gulags. One need only to just look around at modern society to see the rampant moral depravity and decay of Western Civilization.
In contrast, I came to long for the beauty that Christianity has produced in society. Christianity gave us all the things we hold dear including art, music, hospitals, science, and numerous charities around the world. Christianity raised both men and women up to become something more than just purposeless animals. On the other hand, atheism has dragged humans down to their baser nature to act like brute animals living in a society of torture, death, and carnage (over 100 million deaths resulted from the atheist Communist Revolution).
Dostoevsky said, “The world will be saved by beauty.” I came to realize that after all the “scientific” and rational arguments for atheism are said and done, only Christianity shines forth with unmatched beauty.
I had gotten lost in my head as I have seen so many others do. For every argument, there is a counter argument when it comes to fallible human knowledge (just look at the modern “replication crisis” in science). This is what I call an endless-rational-loop that so many people get trapped in. This rational loop keeps people trapped in their heads and not able to access their hearts.
I have come to realize over many years now that true faith is born in the heart, not in the head. That does not mean that faith is irrational or not evidential, but rather that genuine faith only occurs when “the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost” (Romans 5:5). Again, the Apostle Paul proclaims, “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Romans 10:10).
In contrast, the Apostle Paul states that the unbeliever’s “heart was darkened” (Romans 1:21) and that “the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them (2 Corinthians 4:4). The minds of unbelievers are blinded, blocking access to their hearts. This was where I was at for many years; trapped in my own head. I even got to the point that I really wanted to believe, but could not wrap my head around God because my idea of God, as is true of most atheist, was a god that is too small. The true God of Christianity is far too vast for the human mind to ever comprehend as God’s nature is beyond human reasoning. God can only truly be known through the heart (see “God's Revelation to the Human Heart” by Fr. Seraphim Rose).
In November of 2016, my wife brought upstairs the Orthodox icons of the Archangels Michael and Gabriel along with our Baptismal icons, that had been stuffed away in a box in our basement for many years. She did not realize it at the time, but the day she brought these icons upstairs and placed them in our living room happened to be the eve of the Feast Day of the Archangels Michael and Gabriel. I was furious about her bringing these icons into our living room as I was still trying to make the whole atheist thing work in my head.
Almost a year later, my wife asked me if she could put a small icon of the Mother of God, called the “Seven Arrows Mother of God,” on the wall above where I slept in the bed. I said “yes” because what did I care as I “knew” none of this stuff was real. After a couple of weeks, I suddenly started to feel a desire to go back to the Orthodox Church to rededicate my life to Christ. No one had shared any earthshattering theistic arguments with me, I had not discovered some breakthrough scientific or archaeological evidence for Christ, I had not read Lee Strobel’s “The Case for Christ.” Something was changing in my heart.
In March 2018, Holy Cross Monastery here in West Virginia was going to have a special service called a Moleben with a myrrh-streaming icon of the Mother of God, “Softener of Evil Hearts” (see icon below). This icon began to miraculously stream myrrh (fragrant oil) in 1999 and has continued to do so to this very day. I decided to take my family to an Orthodox Church for the first time in almost a decade. That service and having the opportunity to venerate this icon of the Mother of God was a life changing experience. I came to discover later on that the myrrh-streaming icon of the Mother of God, “Softener of Evil Hearts” is also known as the “Seven Arrows Mother of God” icon, which was the very same icon my wife hung over my bed a year before. Truly, the Mother of God did indeed soften my evil heart!
In April 2018, on Holy Saturday (the day before Easter), my two sons were Baptized and received Holy Chrismation (the seal of the Holy Spirit). My wife and I were received back into the Orthodox Church through Holy Chrismation. My daughter was Baptized and received Holy Chrismation in 2008. My whole family had the joy of receiving the Holy Body and Blood of Christ through the Eucharist on Pascha of 2018. Glory to God!
I wish I could end this with “and we all lived happily ever after,” but the fact is that I am a sinner. The true Christian life is a struggle of self-denial, taking up one’s cross, and following Christ. It is only through the sacramental life of the Orthodox Church that we find the tools necessary to acquire the Holy Spirit in our hearts and maintain our “life in Christ” (to quote St. John of Kronstadt).
Love this!
ReplyDeleteVery inspiring!!!
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